Davins Comedy Blog

NOT IN THE EYE - by Davin Rosenblatt

One of the bits on the show is Name that Orgasm.  One of us needs to research a whole mess of orgasms and the rest of the show has to guess their ethnicity based on the orgasm.  It is a lot of fun and a bit ridiculous.  We were supposed to have Ron Jeremy on the show yesterday so we added the special Ron Jeremy category where Ron would have to guess who he was plowing based on the sounds of the orgasm.

To do these bits involves quite a bit of “research.”  Pip decided she would do the different ethnicities for us to guess which meant I was correlating the Ron Jeremy sex scenes.  It sounds like it should be easy but it is not.  You have to make sure you get clear moans. You don’t want too much verbiage because the accent will give away the ethnicity. You don’t want music because that distracts from the orgasm.  In the case of the games with Ron it has to be very loud so he can hear it over the phone. You need to make sure if you pick a scene with multiple people that the ethnicities are the same or the other person keeps quiet. So a lot goes into getting the perfect clip.

You are not viewing these clips for release. You are viewing them for radio which means you may be watching scenes that do not turn you on or worse yet makes you feel sad or ill.  There is a lot of variety in the world of porn and everybody has their preference.  It is when you are watching things that you don’t like that you start questioning what the hell you are doing.  I think Pip and I experienced that this weekend.

When I pick orgasms for ethnicities I usually pick solo scenes. That way I don’t need to worry about conflicting voices and I really don’t enjoy watching man parts in my porn.  Pip has a different approach. Her approach lead her to watching scenes that I think may have scarred her.  Apparently she was watching women receive copious amounts of DNA on their face.  This bothered Pip. She found it demeaning yet being the trooper she is she kept on watching. She found it degrading. I reassured her that everybody in the scenes were there by choice.  Still I don’t think that is an option on the Helix fun menu. If it was ever an option I think seeing that much of it turned her against it. She remarked how it got in their eyes. I reminded her that she has glasses it would just be like snow on a windshield. She was unmoved by my reasoning.  She commented how one woman was hanging upside down while taking this man’s gift and it ran all over the place.  She was also disappointed with his lack of concern for hygiene. Apparently he was putting his member in a variety of openings and not properly cleaning before insertion in a new opening. Pip found this inconsiderate. I argue that a wet nap kills the mood.  She also remarked how one woman would not make a sound at all while having all sorts of things done with her. Pip was bothered by this.  She was concerned maybe this woman was a victim of human trafficking.  I tried to make her feel better that a woman who does not make a sound and seems to be merely tolerating what is being done to her is not likely a victim but instead a wife.  Pip was left shaken by all of this.  I think Mr. Helix will be reduced to cuddling and talking with Pip in the near future.

I had the task of watching Ron Jeremy videos. I have never watched any of his videos. I know him from his more main stream appearances and his reputation.  Ron also directs porn. I felt like in some of the scenes he was directing while shtooping.  He had a lot of instructions.  I will say he is quite large. Both his belly and his member.  He gives old Jews everywhere hope that they too can bang 20 year old hotties.  Now as I said, I generally don’t watch men in porn.  Now I was forced too.  I have seen more of Ron Jeremy’s ass than any straight man should see of another man’s ass.  I guess the exception is the camera man.  There is also the classic under the ball shot.  I guess this view is if you ever wanted to know what a dinkleberry was seeing.  It was interesting to see the various hair styles female porn stars had over the years. Both on their head and down below. Tastes and styles change but Ron Jeremy’s huge hog is constant.  I did discover a clip of Ron Jeremy pleasuring himself orally. So that is a thing.  I don’t know if he does it to completion or what the end result is. It was a short clip featuring a long member and a surprisingly flexible Ron.

I like porn. It has a purpose. People enjoy it. However, I can definitely see how forcing somebody to watch porn they don’t like could be used as torture. Watching porn you find disturbing can leave you with an empty feeling.  Pip now has a far- away stare in her eyes. However, I now know that will be the only thing in Pip’s eyes.
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